25 Things I Learned by 25

This month, I celebrated my 25 birthday! I ate Korean BBQ and danced salsa, bachata and merengue all night surrounded by people I love. I can’t believe how quickly time passes as an adult. Long gone are the days where I could take naps in between classes, sleep in late and go out on weeknights. That period of my life quickly ended when I started a full time job and getting a puppy is basically like having a baby (I was up at 6:30 on a Saturday and just started my day, not even thinking twice about it).

When I was a kid, 25 sounded like full on adulthood. I figured I would probably be married, have a house and be thinking about starting a family. My life turned out a little differently (thank God!) and I couldn’t be happier.

Back at it with the salsa dancing and seester antics @amandabel14

A photo posted by Michelle Rivas (@healthylatina) on Mar 19, 2016 at 11:15pm PDT

Here’s 25 pearls of wisdom I’ve learned at this point in my life.

1. Leave what no longer serves you – I adopted this motto right around the time I graduated Arizona State. I had picked up several bad habits, including letting someone I dated define how I saw myself. I was putting their needs and wants before my own and I had let my goals and dreams be pushed to the wayside. I knew I deserved better and wanted more for myself. So whether it’s a job, a person, a friendship or a bad habit, leave it if it’s no longer working for you.
2. Invest in your education – In the past seven years, I have racked up quite a bill in student loans. Some people say that’s a bad investment and you can get by without getting an education, but what I’ve learned throughout undergrad and graduate school is invaluable. I’ve gained more self-confidence, I know how to research, I can command the attention of a room and I can hold my own in the corporate world. Your education is everything.
3. Sleep well – In my early twenties (and even in my teens), sleep was never a priority. I didn’t want to miss out on the action and I spent a lot of nights and early mornings trying to get ahead. After all that time, I learned it was only putting my body behind and the late night wasn’t ever worth it in the morning. My bedtime is 10:30 p.m. and I couldn’t be more proud.
4. Pay attention to people who don’t clap when you win – This has been one of the hardest lessons to learn. There will always be people who try to hurt you, or will be jealous of your happiness and it’s hard to see it at first. Pay attention to the ones who don’t want what’s best for you and learn to live without them. It’ll save you some heartache and you don’t have to play in their game.
5. Hustle hard, but don’t mistake that for passion – Passion and hustle are two very different things. I thought working as many hours as possible and trying to get ahead in work, life and school was the way to go about it. I blamed my passion for my work and education as an excuse for working so hard. That was a mistake. Passion is something else. It’s what drives you, but don’t let it consume you.
6. Put yourself first – Isn’t there some saying about not being able to help someone with an empty well? Whatever the virtue, it’s true. Don’t let others come before you so often that you find yourself empty. In relationships, this one was tough for me. I learned that compromise is what makes a happy relationship. It avoids conflict and allows you to put another’s happiness before your own. Which is a great thing to have as a goal, but you can’t be the one who compromises all the time on everything, everyday. Put yourself first and find someone who respects you.
7. Do your own taxes and pay your own bills – Adulting is hard. Kick your high school shopping habits and learn how to pay rent. Know how much money you have and how much you need to save. Keep a goal in your mind and work toward that. The little things like lattes, uber rides around the block and bottom bin sale items aren’t worth a savings account that gives you freedom to choose where to vacation, where to live and how to invest. I’m still learning about this, but it’s a lifelong goal. Small sacrifices pay dividends.
8. Buy the good peanut butter – I read an article on the artificial ingredients that are put in peanut butter once and how it’s not safe for dogs. I had just adopted my puppy and was giving her the $5-a-bottle, all-natural peanut butter. A few months and several jars of peanut butter later, I realized I had been buying different peanut butter for myself that still contained artificial ingredients. Why this didn’t occur to me immediately is beyond me. Take care of your own body. Buy the better peanut butter for yourself too.
9. Stop doing things that aren’t fun – In 2013 and 2014, I ran the Chicago Marathon. That’s a significant amount of miles per year when you factor in training and racing. After a certain point, running wasn’t fun. I didn’t love it and I was resenting what I was doing. I felt guilty about it and still ran anyway, despite hating it. I took a year long break from running just to see how it felt. I stopped caring about “how I used to run everyday” and just enjoyed life. I worked out a lot less this past year, but I was doing other exercises and taking classes I enjoyed. Slowly I got back into running a little bit at a time, but I like it now as it’s not my whole life. And I just signed up for another marathon that I’m looking forward to.
10. When people show you who they are the first time, believe them – My Aunt actually said this to me once and it stuck with me. Inherently, I believe that people can change and the world is a good place. But I also believe that people who consistently disappoint you and hurt you don’t always have your best interests at heart. In that case, believe them when they show you who they are, and proceed with caution. Don’t make excuses for bad behavior just because they “are going through a hard time.” You are not here to fix anyone.
11. When they said you could be anything, they didn’t say ‘be everything’ – This is another lesson I continue to learn everyday. I want to be the self-sufficient hero of the story who doesn’t need a helping hand. I feel pride in doing things on my own. I’ve learned that getting help and having the support of others isn’t a weakness. It’s no longer a point of pride in my life. I’m there for others and I love that I opened my life and other people are there for me.
12. Let go of expectations – I’m a woman who hates surprises. The thought of not knowing something gives me anxiety. My mind pours over the possibilities, and even if it’s a good thing, I end up feeling anxious and uneasy. This ruins the whole process. It’s a daily struggle, but I’m learning to let go. Because there is beauty in the unexpected.
13. Learn to say no – Again, my ever-present need to please others doesn’t always work out in my favor. I can easily be taken advantage of because I don’t want to create conflict, challenge others and want to be as helpful as possible. Learn to say no to people early on and you’ll be just fine. Especially if it’s a late night out and you have things to do in the morning. You don’t miss out on anything important, trust me.
14. Learn when to say yes – Expansion theory is something I love. It may seem flighty to some, but I love trying new things and meeting new people. I don’t always stick with whatever hobby I take up for a few weeks, but I always learn something from it. It’s the same thing with meeting people. Open up your life to new experiences. Something amazing could happen, and at the very least you tried something new.
15. Call your grandparents – They love you more than you’ll ever know. The sound of your voice brings them joy and there are few people on this earth who have more pride for your existence. Talk to them as much as possible and learn their stories. They won’t be around forever.
16. Make your familia game strong – I’m lucky to have a really special bond with my family. They might be a little crazy at times, and we don’t always see eye to eye, but I love them so much and am so thankful for them. Spend time with them. Tell them you love them.
17. Get a passport – I still haven’t finished my application, but I like the idea of being able to book a trip to the other side of the world and go exploring at the drop of a hat. I have a list of places where I want to go and it’s only a matter of time before I get there. Not having a passport has been my excuse to stay within my comfort zone. Here’s to breaking out of that.
18. Learn how to live with heartbreak – This one is tough. I love the line in Silver Linings Playbook that says “the world will break your heart ten ways to Sunday, that’s guaranteed,” because it’s true. Trying to keep your heart in one piece is no way to live. It’s ok to allow yourself to feel hurt by someone or something and it’s important to know that you’re going to be okay when it’s over. The empty spot you feel in your heart grows back if you let it.
19. Be confident in yourself – Demi Lovato has got the right idea. Her whole “confident” anthem is more than just a cool song to listen to during a spin class. It’s the real deal. Putting yourself down just because others aren’t happy with themselves is not where you fit in. You’re more than that. And it’s a good thing to be sure of yourself. Haters gonna hate.
20. Be comfortable with silence – I live alone and it’s been a really good test to see how comfortable I am in silence and with myself. I honestly love it. There’s a time where being alone would have terrified me, but it’s opened up so many doors. There’s solace in silence.
21. Find your tribe – In college one of my required readings was the book Tribes. I somewhat hated it when I read it because it had nothing to do with public relations or the class I was taking. Fast forward to a few years later when I realized it had everything to do with all forms of communication and relationships. Surrounding yourself with people who inspire you and make you feel like a better person are the ones you want to stay with. Be thankful for them.
22. Apologize when you’re wrong – I hate telling someone they were right when I was wrong. Call it pride or whatever you want to, but the feeling is just terrible. I always want to be right and I don’t want to say I’m sorry. It’s childish and selfish and it’s doing you no favors. Say you’re sorry when you’re wrong and let it go. It makes you a better person.
23. Stop apologizing when you’re right – As women, we’re programmed to apologize. To the guy who’s taking up two seats on the train, to the woman who accepted your work as her own, to the stranger who took your place in line, don’t apologize. You weren’t meant to say ‘I’m sorry’ for other people’s mistakes.
24. Learn to be comfortable being uncomfortable – My grandma used to say ‘fake it until you make it’ and it’s terrifying to think of how brilliant that advice really can be. I recently stood at the front of a room full of powerful executives presenting a program I had spent months developing. Hours upon hours of work and I wasn’t sure how it would be received. It was terrifying. I took a deep breath, stood up and just ran with it. I knew what I wanted to say and how I wanted the audience to feel, and the outcome was excellent. Grandma was right.
25. You’re worthy of love – This one needs no explanation. I would tell you this daily if I could. You have value and you are worthy of love.

Here’s to another 25 years and a lot of new lessons.

Saludos,

Michelle